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Pelosi: ’If Impeachment Fails, I Will Resign Immediately’

Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave a startling and wholly unexpected statement today during an interview with Belgian magazine “Le Mensonge.”

With impeachment dominating the news these days, the conversation naturally turned to the subject after preliminary pleasantries. Pelosi was asked point blank,”What will you do if impeachment doesn’t get the votes needed to pass?”

The Speaker did not hesitate, launching into a long-winded diatribe before eventually giving a response to the actual question:

“This impeachment is necessary for our national security. President Trump is a threat to the safety of every American and probably the rest of the earth too. He’s unstable and sociopathic.

When I was a little girl, I used to greet the mailman and the milkman everyday with a smile on my face. They were so nice to me, like alternate fathers. I wonder what ever happened to them? Probably dead. Oh well. We should bring milkmen back. They were good.

If this impeachment fails, my time is probably up. I won’t wait around. If it doesn’t go through, I’ll resign. This I decree. You like that? I picked it up from my nephew. He’s the governor of California, you know.”

She appears to have gone a little loopy in the middle there but her message was clear. If impeachment doesn’t work, she’s gone. Hallelujah.

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